family side of things.

first and foremost, happy easter.


okay so being easter, we had what was supposed to be a nice family dinner with my mother, sister, brother in law and myself.

it started of good until my sister started calling me a bible basher because i choose to have sex after marriage and i wanted a cross nose ring and i was wearing a cross necklace.. anyway it turned into a conversation about how the females on my mothers side are all single but have all been married at least once and if that's how it's going to be with us, then it turned into mum being over defensive about her marriage with dad and how they weren't always a happy couplee and that it had been like that for a few years, then she started talking about how my aunty is always there for her and how they always do things together, my sister and i get really annoyed with that because it's like we are nothing, and if some of you don't know my mother had a double lung transplant last september and the surgeon apparently said my aunty was there everyday and every night like she never left, even though she was working most days and my sister and i slept there but hey, whatever it's all about my aunty, i'm not hating on her, i love my aunty very muchh, it just annoys me that she was apparently there everyday when she wasn't and my sister and i were..

it then changed to the subject about my other sister having a photo up of my dads girlfriend and her ex husband.. no idea why she would have that up there.. but whatever.

as usual, mum started complaining about how dad never pays child support and he's lucky that it's fifty dollars instead of a hundred and fifty.. she said she's over having all his stuff in the shed and that he's not even paying her for storage, well the only reason he's not paying is because she offered him the space, no price, no nothing because we never use the shed anywaaay.

she said she wanted to start gathering money for my formal because it's going to be really expensive, she had a rage about it and i stood up for my dad, she says he never brought me anything in my childhood, when all i remember is getting things from him, because my mum was too busy with her boyfriend at the time.

as i got older, i grew apart from my dad, no idea why; i just did.

as little girls always say they want to grow up just like their mummy,
or a little boy, just like his daddy. i wasn't like that i grew up wanting to be just like my dad, someone who is always there for me no matter what decisions i made, someone who inspired me with everything he did, my hero.

i feel bad when i say i want to leave home, because of everything my mums bbeen through but what i don't realise is she doesn't care for my family like she used too, all she does now is complain about everything everyone does wrong, don't worry about the good things we do, it's just the bad she wants to talk about, how stupid i am, how lazy my sister is, and how much of a bitch my other sister can be.

it's not that i hate my mum, i hate who she's become, noone really understands when i say my mums a bitch, everyone thinks oh yeah, my mum gets like that too, if you knew who she was before the transplant, you would understand where i'm coming from and this blog would make sense to you.

don't get me wrong, my mums a hero to me aswell because she's so strong after everything she's been through and i'm so proud of her for that, but one day i'm going to tell her all of this, because i cannot handle this stupid shit any longer.

she wonders why i'm never home, for three years i never wanted to leave the house because i was scared i would get home and there would be an ambulance outside my house taking her to the hospital, for once in my life i can go out without having to worry about coming home to an empty house again, i'm just trying to enjoy life as it is and as a normal teenager, but it's hard to do that when i have to deal with all the arguments she wants to have about anything, she will find anything to argue about just because she can breathe and she can finally fight back.

i don't hate my mother, i hate who she's become.